I'm on fire again. Not only with test scores but with life in general!
You are fucking kidding me...
Get this:
The number three really isn't my lucky number. In fact I'm beginning to think everything is out to get me. And it's not paranoia this time... It really is true
Let's start at the beginning of today:
<< rewinds
Okay I wake up a little late in quite a good mood although the last second of my dream was shattered by finding my mother in a room on a morgue table all purple and swollen and someone goes up and touches her face and it dents inwards...I feel physically sick just talking about it.
But then things were looking up...for a bit
23/30 in Chemistry NAB and 80% in Biology NAB
Which I was overjoyed about...until I spoiled someone's game of Doodle Jump...
Never ruin someone's high score of Doodle Jump or they may dump you. In an indirect manner. Not because of the game. But it's a factor...
Yes so...I'm not sure at this moment in time what's happening. I am beyond anger with these damn in-laws and I hope they rot in hell for a very long time, next to pedophiles and the like. I'm just disgusted at everything and everyone in general. But J...I don't know what to say about him. I'm not sure how I feel. I know I don't want to break up. But I don't want these scum in-laws on my back constantly either. And this all just piles up and piles up and piles up (3 times so far) until I seriously can't take it anymore.
I need a holiday - Now.
Or I want to run away. Pack minimally and fly to France. Rent a Townhouse in Paris. Dye my hair and change my appearance, change my name to River. Smoke in sleepy bars at 3 am in the morning and nursing whiskey while I compose my latest poem. Writing my stories on the ledge of a little window looking out onto puddles on cobbled streets. Sleeping in a dingy flat with blue floral wallpaper and a single white bed. Painting in the middle of the street. Walking through Paris in the rain... I want to run away soo badly
But it's never going to happen.
I have to accept that. I'm not sure what I'm trying to clutch onto but I'm hoping it's a lot more valuable than straws.
J, Don't make me want to run away. Please don't let all this go. You can only step in the same water in a river once. I think it's the same for Fire too....
My Precious darkeyes i'm sorry i haven't responded sooner i intended to when you posted your last post but i got caught up in cpoyright stuff .strenth comes from with in , and you have it with in you to step off the merry-go-round for a moment and look at your life and circumstance's i know in your heart you see what changes need to be made if any, and you are a highly intelligent person ( as well as beautiful :)so you know any choice you make will either be painful , or joyful but they have to be made regardless , of how it effects your lifesyyle and status . ( example me , 18 months ago i made a decision and chose my sanity over companionship an unhealthy re lationship i might add , that decision left me alone , scarred and sometimes sad but i had to make it..)So for sanity sake choices have to be made and the pain / joy aftermath can't be avoided only endured. Later on i want to comment on your dreams a favorite subject matter of for quite sometime, so i'll be writing you back later on today, i'd perfer to send you an email but i'm not sure if you have an email address well anyway your ameri-cat.- Jac!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah one more thing why is it you never say you'd like to visit the USA , I would love to meet you , and show you around . - Jac!
ReplyDeleteHey Sabertooth :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for your reply on this post, I found it quite insightful and it helped me figure some things out in my head. I agree with you too that Pain is a constant in life and cannot be avoided or exchanged for happiness, everything we do in life has bad consequences to some extent and eventually we will have to endure and suffer through those consequences. I think sanity is an important aspect too and I would like to visit the USA haha I dream of visiting Chicago and Ohio and parts of Canada too :)
thanks,
Dark Eyes x