Traité De Paix Pour Moi, S'il Vous Plait

This is a time in which I feel I need to vent more and come to terms with certain things in my life and to figure things out in my head. The Translation of the title is "Treaty of Peace for me, please" and the reason for the title is the theme of this particular blog - Being at peace with oneself

I think this is something we could all benefit from. Society has, through its strength, brought about its own downfall. We don't accept ourselves - we strive throughout our lives to change ourselves, "better" ourselves, make ourselves more accepted by others but in doing so we have lost the true essence of our personality.

So, How do we make peace with ourselves?
I don't really have an answer for that. I'm just testing it out myself. After all that's happened and all that is going to happen probably on Monday then I think I could at least try to make peace with myself. All this time I've been what everyone else wants of me. Believe it or not, I don't like being loud, I don't like being a leader or standing out. And I've been that way because it's what other people have needed. For example, people in my family are all quite quiet people. So someone needed to be loud and talk for them. Others always need a leader. So I always step up for something but I don't like doing it. Inside I'm a quiet person. I like being left alone to myself.

So I'm trying to like myself better. I'm not sure where to begin, I think it starts with doing stuff I like. Or appearing how I want. I think my real self has always been in my art and my writing. I'm going to focus on these exams right now. They've been going well so far. Maybe if I work hard enough I can get the 5 A's. I know I want to do Forensics. I know I can do it despite what certain people say. It makes me doubt if I can do it but inside I know I can and my Mum did too. If i can't believe in myself I can believe that she did. Despite what happens Monday, I need to keep a clear mind. I'm not parasitic: I don't live off other things. I can easily stand on my own two feet. And maybe I've been letting myself down forgetting about my exams. Because I am smart, I'm not entirely stupid. I have a good capability to learn and I have been neglecting it. That's not to say I want me and J to break up.
But my point is, I think I've lost myself in this. I've had to much going on recently - I think I need to take one of those breaks y'know where someone isn't seen for the whole summer and comes back renewed and different. Although it's not summer, I could use the Christmas Holidays I think. I'm not planning on enjoying Christmas this year nor am I taking part in it. I may as well fix myself back together piece by piece. Like a gap year fit into one month.

So this is me making peace with my self. I'm sure there's a lot of people out there doing what I usually do, not being yourself. But you can't constrain to society for ever. Because society will never give you a break. So give yourself a break.

One thing I can say is, you won't find yourself in your other-half's eyes.




Peace out
xxx