Temporary Farewell

Do not fret my dear readers, for I will be back perhaps sometime in the new year. I need some breathing space right now at this moment in time. A lot of things happened today and they will have repercussions for the near future and the far away future. I've come to a point in my life where I feel everything I love has been unfairly stolen from me and I cannot deal with this prospect. So I'm trying to cut down on the internet use for the latter part of this God awful year and I'll keep my head down and study until it's over. There's not much else I can do now. I've gotten into a bad state today something in particular I hope never becomes a habit like the cutting; It could have led to much much worse and I'm pretty stupid for doing it. My Mum would be very disappointed and that is one thing I certainly did not set out to do in life. I want to make her proud and I'm finding it hard to cope with every situation cropping up. I seem to always speak too soon on this blog and I find that difficult to stomach - Hey, I'm a pessimist - And I find it hard, despite what I said in the previous post, to forgive and make peace with myself. You see today me and J broke up -but it's more than a break up to me. It's another part of my heart stolen. And one cannot live without a whole heart never mind no heart.

So I'm giving myself a break. I know I can never recover from the events in this year for the rest of my life and beyond, they will haunt me. But one cannot live in the past no matter how hard we try to cling on. I'm not sure where I see myself in life anymore. Career, family all such things have just disappeared in the click of someone's fingers from my mind. After what I did today, I'm not even sure I see myself in life at all. But that's another matter all together

Maybe the apocalypse will occur on 21st December 2012. I'd welcome it with open arms.
Less time waiting to see Mum.
Goodbye for now readers, I will be back soon

xxx