Good News!

This is a quick update to say that my cousin and his fiance had their baby girl on 10th of July and her name is Emma! She's absolutely gorgeous (she's my second cousin) I love her to pieces and wish them all the best for their family!


I look forward to babysitting some time haha!


<<Emma>>  (._.)

The Grim Reaper is your friend

Every minute you breathe, someone else is struggling to do so. Every minute, someone dies. We lead our little sorry lives so carefully, so protected, in such fear. Of what? Of death.
Death. What is death?


We die. It's a natural part of life. But to answer all these questions we must ask more: What is life?
Life, we exist, then we are born a screaming tiny helpless baby. From that moment on, we must struggle our whole lives to continue existing in this form. But why?
Well ladies and gentlemen, we constantly wish to evade death. We perceive death as another realm, something evil, something scary and new and we don't know what to expect. It seems dark, horrid, terrifying that this "force" will drag us away from our loved ones in this realm to another, one where there are fewer rules. One where we may meet our ruler/creator/master, or we may meet our eternal doom. In exact words, our life is no longer ours to control.


We spend every second fearful of this "event", this "force" and we try to evade it for as long as possible. But we are wrong in doing so. For the moment, when I say death, think of natural deaths such as heart attacks, lung disease, old age, cancer...
(I shall come to deaths such as suicides, car crashes, murders etc. shortly)


So, we feel we must evade this. We watch over our children like eagles and they get sick, we freak. Of course we do. It's a natural response. But we do not understand death anymore. I believe we once did. But that view has become corrupted and tainted. Let me explain.


What if, death is not the end, but merely the beginning of a journey? What if death is "ascension" ?
To specify, Ascension is:


The act of rising to a higher or important level





So, most believe (usually religious) (but sometimes people from the scientific community) that ascension is becoming of a higher form, a higher being or consciousness. In my theory, I believe this "occurrence" this "process" is when your being/soul/spirit becomes of a higher form, to what may be considered a deity or "demi-god" to those very religious.



So, in my theory, death is this process occurring. We are in the process of dying and - in my beliefs and in this theory of mine, Monolatry (the acceptance of the existence of many gods and deities but the worship of one deemed solely worthy of worship) we have somehow fallen from God or he has chosen to cast us down to this world which is a test of our loyalty and purity of heart. So, we are given this test and when he deems us ready for the main test - the pain of death is what this ultimate process is. He picks people (the ones we know to be dying) as they in his eyes have completed something or some task unknown to us all. Or perhaps he sees something about them that they are strong enough. Our ultimate test is being put through physical pain for death. Our body begins to shut down, rid us of human restrictions such as sustenance (the need and ability to drink, intake food), swallow, breathe, pass waste. We are in fact becoming less weak. We are becoming something more than human. 


So if we successfully die, we are ready and pure of spirit and mind to be God's chosen people. We then are ascended into more complex beings. Some may say deities, some gods, angels, ghosts.


So, what happens if we do not die naturally?
Well, if we take snippets of religious texts (periods in history will always have laws/opinions that corrupt these texts such as women were looked down upon) God looks poorly on suicide. We are not supposed to take our own life. Perhaps because he does not deem us fit enough for this test. It's like sitting an exam you haven't studied for, a subject you've never been taught. The same if you are murdered, killed in a car accident, etc. Your spirit is not ready to be tested. So where do these beings go when they have ascended? Because they have not ascended properly as they were not ready. So what does God do in this predicament?


We've all heard of Purgatory or Limbo. I never believed these to be separate personally. Others do, but going with my theory, they are one. Its a place where these souls that were not yet ready for God's ultimate test of faith are put, until they are ready. The inner workings of this, I have not quite yet figured yet. Leave that for another post someday when I'm struck by another brilliant epiphany.

A good question in this is:

What if we murder?

Referring back to another snippet of religious text, the story of Cain and Able. You don't really need to know the inner workings of the story apart from they were brothers and Cain killed Able. He was "the first man to kill" But there is an odd thing that God says afterwards. Before this event, no person has heard of murder, known the consequence (that person dying) etc. So, then God says something along the lines of but if any man is to kill Cain (for killing Able) he shall die 7 times over. Bit of an odd thing to say. Actually it's not. Think about it. Before Cain killed Able, the only deaths were of old age, or of eating poisonous food etc. So God was the one dishing out the tests. Until Cain did the unthinkable. So as an example now to humanity he said I don't want anyone doing what he just did. And if you do, He's punishing murderers to (reincarnation I think) have to pass his test 7 times over. They have to experience 7 times the pain. They also must endure 7 lifetimes and pass the test 7 times before God will deem them fit.

Of course, if you accidentally hit someone with your car because they stepped off the pavement at the wrong time or something, that is not murder, its accidental death. I believe it would be considered the same as suicide. Only no ones fault, just clumsiness on both sides. This is not to say that medicines and doctors and surgery is all bad. But searching for eternal life will only bring about more pain and pain of all kinds. We do not permanently belong in this realm. We are destined to leave it, like a bird is destined to leave its nest and fly.

Overall, we should not fear death. It is irrational to shelter ourselves and try to desperately to live here in this realm as long as possible, as healthy as possible, as far from death as possible. But this is not what was meant for us. We should embrace death as our companion, something special like a sort of retirement. When we are ready, God (or whatever you wish to call this force) will select us to test our purity of spirit and heart. So when we are ready and succeed in ascending to him, this is a good thing, we have proved loyal and good enough to be one of his chosen people.

We must live in this realm as happy and free as possible. And strive to get to that point where we will be ready for such a great thing. And then we will move into another realm, to live our lives as higher energies, higher beings in a place where hopefully, our suffering has ended for good.

When they're away you just wait for them to get back

Hey readers,
I feel I am obligated to write to you more, especially since it is Summer, I have a lot more free time and I've neglecting this blog quite a bit. So here we go, here we fucking go...
Sorry, Song references are so tempting nowadays...


Anyways, I feel I have not mentioned J enough or in much detail to be honest. Well maybe I have and I rant about him endlessly and just don't realise. If that happens to be the case, send me some meds, I may be needing them....One bottle's fine.


So, as I was saying, before I rudely interrupted myself (is it possible to do that to yourself?) but anyways, you may or may not already know the deal that J's parents don't like me and he's not even allowed to talk on the phone until after his 2 week holiday which he's not even on yet! So I am very bored and lonely...


Couples will know what I mean with this. You have this terrible pull to be with them and you can't and thats really horrible, like mental torture...
I suppose you have to be thankful that they're alive and healthy and not dead...
APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES! <3


But yes, he is a 5ft7 blondie who used to have lovely blonde curls but he keeps getting raped by scissors! Which if I'm honest makes me very sad....I really like the curls *sobs*
And he's a total gayboy wimp. Yes, I'm kidding. *whispers* I'm really not!*
Haha. Nah. He is a big softie and lovely and a wee charming prick. Really he's a wee charmer. Like his daddy ahaha No. I'm kidding. He's just a wee charmer.


I'm wondering if it's only me that has problematic in-laws?
I doubt it. There's probably a sect of them all. Scattered across the earth...
WE MUST DESTROY THEM! D:


bye xxx






P.S this is "our song" y'know couples have a song... So here it is

<3

Now guess who's back got a brand new rant....

S'up readers! Long time no talk with my brothers! 

You may have presumed I was dead...well for those who did, I'm not...

Or am I? What if I'm a ghost and this is a dream that I'm alive and I'm not? Wait - do dead people dream? Hm. That is a question for the next post perhaps...

Anyways, I'm wayy off topic.

I was trying to think of a particular topic as usual to please you people (*tugs at collar* whoa, tough crowd) but I couldn't think of one unfortunately. Perhaps business is one. Hope my spelling is correct. I'll be upset if it is not.

So being busy. I am busy. I am very busy. I'm so busy it's coming out of my eyeballs. Ew. I should get that seen to. No, really I am. There has been hectic chaos since Mum died and two days it will be the 2 month anniversary (3rd of May, remember) and life can get messy when things like that happen. I've went through a bit of a "not had my head screwed on" phase and that possibly resulted to some hard times for J too, that was unkind. This is one bit where I want to stress the importance of believing in yourself, your loved ones that you trust and your own choices. Sure, from time to time we all make the wrong ones, some people make more than others because they're unlucky/unhappy etc. but quite commonly a factor is other people. My favourite quote (or one of them):

Hell is other people

-Jean Paul Satre

So I must stress this point a lot: don't be afraid to take back an opinion/option/choice if you want to. Who do you have to answer to? Sure, yourself. And your God if you're religious. But who else, really must spy into your relationships, your life? Why give them presedence? Why give them a key in the first place? TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.

Anyways, after that lecture.... As I was saying, I had a bout of being a little drifty-zombie-like. suppose thats normal. But I didn't want it to be the spiral like last time. You know how it's like, brothers. (No offence, I'm addressing you ladies too) If you don't, I hope you never know what I mean. Really...Don't get like that. You are never alone either. So I didn't get like that I don't think, or not to a bad extent anyways. I have friends (what I call my family) so I have my family checking up on that and keeping it all controlled. So don't worry about me. I'm doing rather well actually.

I'm in my "busy" phase. Possibly more so because it's Summer (THANK THE LORD) and Summer 2012 for that, and my Summer while being what the youth call "sweet sixteen" (is it all that sweet?) and also the Summer I actually have a boyfriend (again THANK THE LORD) and an awesome one for that ! also, I'm actually not such a wimp anymore (well, just a bit) and also the exams are done (HALLELUJAH) and if the weather stays nice, I have a bet or plan to go out as much as possible, so far spent only one day in the house! wooh! That's a lot of ANDs. In fact screw the nice weather, this is Glasgow, and I happen to like the rain. NON-CONFORMITY FTW. (I joke because saying that IS conformity) Oh, I'm a funny lad.

I've been going a lot of walks too, with my friend who shall be known on this as simply just Scott, which is actually his name funnily enough. That or we name him Batman. He is good company so here is a little shout-out to my buddy! x
Also I plan to go to M&D's with my friend, M. And I plan to go nuts and try and go on everything hopefully. And eat a lot. Oh another of my concerns, I know I am not fat. I'm just heavy built. Only thing is how does one go about being "not-heavily built" ?


So, yes, I have been very busy. And I've been starting Higher courses too and worriedly thinking about my Forensics prospective career and where to stay and finances and whether its even worth bothering to send a portfolio to The Glasgow Fucking Poncy School of Controlled Art. Yes, I don't like placing my art in a box. And I hate those people. I visited it once in primary school and swore I'd never join that scumbag cult (they harmed animals) nor would I do the art they told me to....but I'm worried what if I can't go to Dundee for some weird reason? What if I suck at Forensics or it's too difficult or something? I mean I always said I had my art to fall back on. Hm. This is driving me insane! Also, what happens if I screw up and me and J aren't together and I can't afford the flat and I'm all alone in Dundee...But then again I don't really have anything left to keep me here in Glasgow, now that Mum's gone. Before, I said I'd visit her and meant it. But A grave is a little different I suppose. Wow. That was some rant


So yes I am also in that "PANIC ABOUT FUTURE" phase. And also I really want a job. Someone give me a job. Something that pays a lot. Please.


But yes, I picked Higher Art! Yay! It's the best. For my Expressive Unit, I'm doing the theme of "Ophelia" (y'know, from Hamlet (of which I've never read)) and she kills herself because her lover doesn't lover her (been there, eh girls?) and drowns in a river but covers herself in flower so it's all very tragically beautiful. How the heck am I meant to pull that off by using my own ugly-mug?? anyways, I like my portraits so far. They look odd but in a good way, odd. Apparently portraiture is my "calling" in art. Oh right. Sure thing, teacher.


Also of course I have been thinking about life in general. My big cousin and his fiance are to have their first baby (it's a girl!!!) on around July 20th. But my Uncle (her grampa)'s birthday is the 24th and his sister, my Mum her birthday is the 22nd. So we think she'll be born on someone's birthday! I thought that would be cute. Also they have names but are keeping it a surprise! Can't wait to meet my new baby (2nd) cousin! Hehe she'll be so cute I bet. And religion too a bit. Like how I hope I do good enough in this world for my God to be happy with me.


Of course, death, mainly. Not as grimly as you may think. Well....sort of and I apologise. But if most of that side of my family have all died at age 56 or around abouts, what if I'm the same? What if I can feel it like a clock in my head? I keep thinking "40 years left" and I know my family hate it. Especially J, it really bother him I know. But I can't help it. And at least I shall get to tell all my loved ones the things I need and want to, a chance the nurses robbed my Mum of. Is it so bad to appreciate those 40 years left on that clock? Hey, I may be wrong (I'm really not) and so at least I have done a lot in my life. And that then lends onto the "best age to have kids" problem. J says 22. But what if I'm right? That would mean my ELDEST kid would be 33. And most people have 2 or 3 years between kids. So what if one of them is only just 20 or something? thats why I worry so much about that. People would never have the balls to ask, what's it like to think you won't live to see your granchildren? Yeah. Mental. My Mum never got to see hers, either.


It's a sad world. I have an even sadder mind. I'm not scared of death. Come get it bro. Actually don't. Please don't. Okay, maybe I'm scared a bit. It's a whole new concept, ain't it? I dunno what I'm signed up for out there. I could be in for eternal torture or eternal happiness (thats unlikely seeing as I'd need J for that) But all I can say is I can see my Mum. I hope. And my creator if there is one. I hope. I'm scared a little about the process and the pain. I reeeeaaalllly don't want cancer. It's a really horrid process. You don't even want to see my memories for my Mum's death. Worse than the scariest horror movie you've ever scene. It's sick and disgusting and twisted and if I sit and think of it for too long, I would most assuredly go insane. More so than I already am. And I don't want to end like that. I don't want my family to see that and I'm not sure if I like the thought of rotting in the ground. But no one gonna cremate me either. I kinda need my organs (refer to first post for my belief system if you're interested)


And what if I die before that. In a car accident. Or something else a bit random. And J has to bury me. That's not gonna be fun. Oh gosh, I'm prattling on and on about death. Whoops sorry. I'm just worried.


I would like to think I'm keeping busy in a good way. I would post my poetry work, but I worry it would get stolen and edited. So for now, I shall wait until they are published and I'll link you all. That's if that ever happens. My artwork, I shall keep you updated with. Also, Keeping enjoying life, folks. And hold on to your youth! Here's the sky outside right now, It's looking rather sweet. Here this is for you to enjoy. Good luck with all endeavours and I shall post more!

Quick para for J:
I love you, you should know that. And I miss you like crazy and yes it is possible for someone to be busy but think about you every single second. Yeah I'm a woman and a multi-tasker. Be jealous. <3 xxx


Bye guys xxx